Happy Anniversary Little Black Blob

One year ago today, my life changed forever. God showed me his love, compassion, and grace for me in a way I have never felt before. I learned a lesson in patience that I will not soon forget. On that night, I wrote this in my journal-

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Dear Little Black Blob,
Today I had the best surprise ever... you! I wasn't expecting to see you there but once I did I could barely believe my eyes! The sonogram technician called you a "gestational sac" but to me you are already my baby. I was scared because I wasn't expecting you to be there. I honestly thought pregnancy was out of the question for now, but God had bigger plans for you- and for me I guess. I am still worried that I am going to lose you but I want you to know today how much I already love you. I didn't know how I was going to tell your Daddy about you! He was at work and I knew he would be expecting a call about how the sonogram went. I had always dreamed of surprising him with something creative like a miniature meal but I finally just broke down and told him on the phone. I couldn't wait! I wasn't sure if I was actually pregnant yet, that would come later. Your Daddy was shocked and nervous for the same reason as I was but he was eager to see the results of my blood test. So,I went to his hospital and he met me to go and have my blood drawn- ouch! I hope you don't inherit my veins, or my thighs for that matter, but we will talk more about that later. After the blood test, we found out that we would have to wait 3 days for the results! So, we headed home and took an old fashioned urine pregnancy test. And there they were- bright as daylight- 2 red lines! Your Daddy went in to look first and he was so excited! We were both shocked and speechless. You are real!!
We took lots of pictures and hugged and kissed alot too. We love to do that- it will probably really gross you out one day but I just love him so much. You are so lucky that he is your Dad. I can't wait for him to meet you and to watch him love you as a Daddy. After we finished celebrating, we decided to go on a celebration date for steaks at TX Land and Cattle!
Well, sweet little blob, my hand is aching- actually both hands. One from writing all the thoughts that fill my mind about you- the other from the vein I busted while clapping and jumping around from excitement. I love you sweet baby! I can't wait for you to grow big enough for me to tell all my friends and our big crazy family about you. It's going to be so hard to wait, but we will make a deal sweet blob...you grow strong and healthy, and I will wait for you. XOXOX
Love ,
Your Mommy

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So, here's how it all shook down....

I went in to have a sonogram done because I had not been ovulating and we were wanting to get pregnant. The sono would be the first step in trying to figure out what was wrong with my cycle so we could know where to go from there. Well, it took a few moments for the sonographer to speak up, but when she did she asked, "Now why are you here again?"

Me: "Well, I am here because my doctor thinks I might have PCOS and wants to see if there are cysts on my ovaries."

Sonographer: "Well, I don't see any cysts....but I do see a gestational sac."

Me: "What does that mean??"

Sonographer: "Well, that means an egg has been fertilized. It doesn't have a heartbeat yet so .....you need to get in for a blood test right away."

Me: (freaking out beyond explanation) So, what are you saying? I might be pregnant but I might have had a miscarriage??"

Sonographer: (obviously uncomfortable with the situation) "Well, you just really need to get in for a blood test right away. I am going to make a call to your doctor."

Me: "So I guess you're saying I don't have any cysts, right?"

She goes to make the call and I am left in the room completely and totally having a nervous breakdown. Well, that explains the lack of ovulation! The problem was that she left me hanging not really knowing what the future held for that little black blob I was staring at on the screen. There was no heartbeat there but it could have been because it was too young or because I had miscarried. Had my prayers been answered with pregnancy or was I going to be mourning the loss of a baby I could have had?

I headed to the lab and called Rocky on my way. I was disappointed that there wouldn't be a big creative surprise for him, but I had to tell him. I was freaking out! I went in and had my blood drawn but was told that I had to wait 3 days for the results. We went home and took a pregnancy test and it was positive, then Rocky got on the computer the next day and work and saw the results of my bloodtest for sure.

Obviously you know the end to the story. I was blessed with a wonderful pregnancy and a precious baby girl. It didn't come in the way I expected, but it came, and I am forever grateful.

"For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-14, 16